Calgary’s proudest contribution to the textile world, luxury underwear, has decided Americans no longer deserve to be gently cupped by Canadian cotton. After the expiration of a duty exemption, the company announced it will stop shipping south of the border, leaving U.S. customers both unsupported and slightly drafty.
The move, described by economists as “a small but extremely uncomfortable blow,” highlights the fragile seams of cross-border trade. “Our margins can’t handle tariffs, and frankly, Americans never respected the waistband anyway,” a company spokesperson said, adjusting their own product for emphasis.
Customers in the U.S. have expressed outrage, with some threatening to “go commando” in protest. Analysts warn that while this may save money in the short term, it could lead to chafing on a national scale.
Meanwhile, Canadians remain smug, enjoying a rare moment where their undergarments are considered a strategic asset.
