Alberta Premier Freezes Carbon Price, But Everything Else Still on Fire
In a bold move to tackle the “real issues” facing Albertans, Premier Danielle Smith has announced a freeze on industrial carbon prices, ensuring that the province’s largest polluters can breathe a sigh of relief, even if most Albertans can’t.
“Protecting our hardworking oil sands producers from the cold grip of carbon costs is my top priority,” Smith said at a press conference, carefully avoiding eye contact with anyone holding a grocery receipt.
While the carbon price remains chilled, Albertans struggling with skyrocketing rent, utility bills, food prices, and insurance premiums have been advised to “toughen up” or perhaps “move into the vacant offices downtown Edmonton, where the heating is still technically included.”
Economists have noted that Smith’s strategy is, in a way, perfectly balanced. “She’s keeping the air full of CO₂ and the pockets of ordinary Albertans full of nothing,” said one analyst.
When asked why other costs weren’t frozen, Smith pointed to Alberta’s resilient, can-do spirit. “Albertans are strong. If we can survive a January cold snap, we can survive a $9 head of lettuce.”
As for plans to address rising living costs, Smith suggested that struggling residents might consider investing in a pipeline. “If they just play their cards right, they could be one of the 12 people still making money off this whole deal.”
SHARE ON:
