In a revelation that’s equal parts miraculous and utterly useless, scientists have discovered a brand-new blood type – one so rare it exists in exactly one person on Earth.
Dubbed “Er Null,” the blood was identified in a woman from Guadeloupe who, according to researchers, is “compatible with no known human – including her own family.” Medically speaking, she is her own island. Socially, she’s been preparing for this moment for years.
Doctors say the finding is both groundbreaking and completely unhelpful in any practical sense. “If she ever needs a transfusion,” said one hematologist, “we’ll have to invent cloning. Fast.”
The woman reportedly took the news well, telling reporters, “At least now I have scientific proof I’m one-of-a-kind.”
Meanwhile, the Red Cross has politely declined her blood donation, citing storage concerns and the possibility of accidentally triggering a global immunological incident.
