In a bold new experiment in macroeconomic vibes, the Trump administration has officially concluded that the best way to fix the economy is to stop describing it altogether. The Bureau of Economic Analysis announced Monday that it would cancel the advance estimate of third-quarter GDP, declaring the report “unnecessary, unhelpful, and frankly kind of a downer.”
The move follows similar disappearances of the October jobs report and the inflation report, both of which the public had traditionally relied on to know whether to panic. Officials say that Americans should interpret the silence as “a sign of tremendous strength,” insisting that if the numbers were bad, the administration would definitely hide them, “just like this.”
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt blamed Democrats for “irreversibly damaging the nation’s statistical self-esteem,” adding that October’s data would be “permanently impaired, like a phone dropped in a lake.”
She warned that more reports might vanish soon, depending on how reality behaves.
