In a development sure to horrify both NPR tote bag collectors and every dad who still thinks Born in the U.S.A. is patriotic, Bruce Springsteen has declared he’s officially fed up with the Democratic Party.
“The Democrats are like a bar band that only knows three chords and keeps forgetting the lyrics,” Springsteen allegedly told fans. “We’re desperately in need of an effective alternative party. At this point, I’d settle for a decent garage band.”
The Boss, once seen as the soundtrack of blue-collar liberalism, said he’s tired of fundraising emails that feel like ransom notes and platforms that collapse faster than his saxophonist’s lung capacity. He suggested America deserves “a political party that doesn’t rehearse backstage at Goldman Sachs.”
Democratic leaders responded with a mass text promising to “listen harder” – provided donors gave $27 immediately to help keep democracy alive.
