In what experts are calling “climate change’s rudest RSVP,” the entire population of Tuvalu is packing their bags, and their sovereignty, as rising sea levels prepare to evict them by 2050. The Pacific island nation, known for pristine beaches and being ignored at climate summits, has struck a deal with Australia to relocate its 11,000 citizens before their home becomes a snorkeling attraction.
“This isn’t migration,” a Tuvalu official said, “it’s a witness relocation, except the criminal is carbon.”
Australia has generously agreed to accept Tuvaluans in stages, provided they don’t bring too many coconuts or ask awkward questions about coal. Critics note the plan sounds suspiciously like gentrification by Poseidon.
Meanwhile, other low-lying nations are watching closely, either to learn or to call dibs on the last remaining dry ground.
One UN diplomat summed it up grimly: “We used to talk about sinking costs. Now we’re just sinking.”
