Holiday cheer took a brief detour into existential crisis last Saturday when one local resident decided the Santa Claus parade needed a hard dose of gritty realism. As 30,000 spectators lined the streets, sipping hot chocolate and embracing the magic of the season, a house along the route delivered a very different message via a series of aggressively honest window signs.
According to police – who, to their immense credit, kept straight faces – multiple callers reported “unfestive imagery” after spotting colourful posters declaring “Santa is fake,” “Santa isn’t real,” “Your parents are Santa,” and the particularly brutal “Your family buys your presents.”
Children allegedly burst into tears, parents reportedly considered emergency therapy, and parade organizers quietly wondered whether they now needed a censorship unit.
Police say no laws were broken, though Brantford’s collective holiday spirit briefly was. Authorities advise residents to remain calm and, if necessary, avert young eyes from rogue truth-tellers until December safely passes.
