MTV’s music channels, once the loud, eyeliner-smeared heart of youth culture, were pronounced dead this week at the age of 40. The cause of death was complications from chronic reality programming and prolonged exposure to influencer culture.
Born in 1981 to proud parents Cable and Cocaine, MTV once revolutionized how humans consumed music – with videos, VJs, and actual talent. But by the mid-2000s, it began a slow decline, trading guitars for Botox and lyrics for catchphrases. Shows like The Hills and Jersey Shore delivered the final blow, as the network decided that maybe music was overrated.
Fans are encouraged to pay their respects by scrolling past yet another TikTok dance set to “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” In lieu of flowers, viewers are asked to subscribe to literally any streaming service that still remembers what a song is. Funeral attire: ironic graphic tees and disillusionment.
