Law enforcement officers in Mississippi were forced into an unexpected primate showdown this week after a truck hauling research monkeys overturned on a rural highway, scattering dozens of the screeching fugitives into nearby woods.
Officials said the accident “escalated rapidly” when several monkeys refused to surrender peacefully, prompting what one deputy described as “a regrettable but necessary escalation of banana diplomacy.”
After hours of pursuit, authorities reportedly “neutralized” multiple escapees, though not before at least one managed to fling a patrolman’s hat into a swamp. The driver, uninjured but deeply shaken, told reporters he had “never seen so many angry little faces outside of Facebook comments.”
The CDC has since advised residents to avoid touching or befriending any surviving monkeys, citing potential biohazard risks and “trust issues.” Local officials promise to review highway safety protocols – and maybe rethink transporting plague monkeys through Mississippi altogether.
