A new global study has confirmed what your existential dread has been whispering all along: humanity is expected to hit its peak within the next few decades, after which the species will begin a graceful nosedive into mediocrity and probable extinction.
Experts cite flattening IQ curves, collapsing ecosystems, and the fact that our brightest minds are currently using AI to generate cat memes as signs of terminal decline. “We’re not saying it’s over,” said one researcher. “We’re just saying the climax is past, and we’re now in the part of the movie where the credits should roll but the cast keeps improvising badly.”
Sociologists predict that peak humanity will coincide with the moment someone invents a smart fridge that can cry. Until then, enjoy the apex. It’s all bickering, beige food, and billionaires trying to colonize Mars from here on out.
