Games Week – Sonic Games (SEGA)

This week, our staff bravely dusted off the pixelated corpses of classic video games for a series of retro reviews nobody asked for.

Sega’s Sonic the Hedgehog burst onto the Genesis in 1991 like a caffeine-addled rodent fleeing the consequences of late capitalism. You play as a blue hedgehog with an attitude and no pants, desperately collecting rings like a Wall Street banker hoarding gold before the apocalypse. The game is fast—so fast you’ll miss most of the level design and question if Sonic’s true enemy is Dr. Robotnik or motion sickness. Bright colors, catchy music, and the gnawing realization that you’re just another cog in Sega’s doomed console war. A classic. A crisis. A chili dog-fueled cry for help.

Ah, Sonic the Hedgehog 2—the game that taught an entire generation that friendship means dragging your two-tailed buddy through lava at 300 mph while ignoring his screams. The blue rodent returns, now with a sidekick who dies more often than he helps. The levels are slick, fast, and designed by someone who clearly hates walls, ceilings, and your sense of timing. Robotnik, still cosplaying as an evil egg, throws giant death machines at woodland creatures for fun. It’s a masterpiece of pixelated chaos—an ADHD fever dream powered by rings, regret, and the crushing guilt of leaving Tails behind. Again.

Sonic the Hedgehog 3 is the game you get when a caffeine-addled god decides gravity is optional and echidnas deserve trust issues. You race through loop-de-loops like a rodent on Adderall while being chased by a man whose mustache screams “tenure denied.” Enter Knuckles, the gullible bouncer of Angel Island, who punches first and reads lore later. The levels are gorgeous fever dreams—lush jungles, haunted carnival hellscapes, and mushroom-infested PTSD triggers. It’s fast, chaotic, and vaguely existential. Sonic 3 isn’t just a game. It’s a blue blur of childhood joy colliding with adult dread. Bring aspirin.

---

---