In a twist no one saw coming, the same mRNA technology once accused of turning people into 5G routers might soon help wipe out cancer. According to new research, scientists have discovered that the COVID-19 vaccine’s underlying tech could be retooled to teach immune systems to identify and destroy cancer cells – a side effect far more appealing than mild fever and conspiracy theories.
Experts are calling it “the silver lining of a global nightmare,” while pharmaceutical executives are reportedly drafting plans to charge $899 per dose “for emotional closure.” Early trials show promise in shrinking tumors, boosting immune responses, and restoring faith in science, though not necessarily in humanity.
“If only misinformation could be treated with mRNA too,” sighed one researcher. “We’d finally cure Facebook.”
For now, the world waits to see if the miracle of pandemic panic might accidentally save millions – again.
