China and Russia Sign Deal to Build Lunar Power Plant, U.S. Offers Thoughts and Prayers
In a historic move that has left American officials blinking at the moon like confused raccoons, China and Russia have signed a deal to build the first joint power plant on the lunar surface by 2035. The announcement comes amid growing global concern that the U.S. space program is now powered exclusively by nostalgia, Elon Musk tweets, and expired Tang.
The lunar project, dubbed the “International Moon Base of Definitely Not World Domination,” is expected to generate enough power to fuel future scientific research, interstellar ambitions, and maybe a few questionable late-night missile tests. Russia brings decades of dusty Soviet space engineering, while China supplies the ambition, money, and all the parts that used to be made in Ohio.
The U.S., meanwhile, responded by convening a bipartisan committee to explore the idea of possibly discussing a press release.
“We’re not behind,” claimed one anonymous NASA official while gluing a solar panel onto a toaster. “We’re just… strategically pacing ourselves.”
The announcement has sparked renewed panic in Washington, where some lawmakers suggested retaliating by building a gas station on Mars or simply banning the moon from TikTok.
Experts warn that while the lunar power plant could revolutionize space infrastructure, it might also serve as a glowing reminder that the U.S. can’t even fix its own power grid, let alone build one 238,000 miles away.
As for the moon? It remains eerily silent, presumably wondering who gave humanity a second shot at colonization.
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