Passengers across Europe found themselves starring in the world’s least entertaining waiting game this morning after a massive cyberattack crippled check-in systems at several major airports. Travelers queued for hours, clutching passports like rosary beads, while departure boards flashed nothing but digital static, modern stained glass for the church of futility.
Officials confirmed the attack was “serious but not catastrophic,” which was reassuring only to people who weren’t currently trying to explain to their toddlers why they wouldn’t be meeting Mickey Mouse in Paris. Security experts say the hack originated “from somewhere on Earth,” narrowing the list of suspects only slightly.
Meanwhile, airline staff were forced to check in passengers manually, using pens, paper, and what one gate agent described as “a soul-crushing sense of déjà vu.” One traveler summed it up best: “I came for a flight to Rome and instead got a three-act play about human misery.”
