In a move described internally as “an exciting new era of balance,” CBS News has fired eight of its on-air personalities, all women, under the network’s new leader, Bari Weiss. The layoffs, announced Thursday, were framed as part of Weiss’s vision to “redefine what inclusion means in 2025.”
Sources say the all-female exodus was purely coincidental, though one HR official reportedly whispered, “Statistically, it’s impressive.” The newsroom floor now has the hollow echo of a gender-neutral utopia, mostly men explaining feminism on air.
Weiss, who joined CBS promising to shake up “legacy media complacency,” assured staff that the cuts were “merit-based, not uterus-based.”
The remaining anchors have been advised to “lean in carefully” and avoid eye contact with the new leadership team. Meanwhile, CBS executives praised the layoffs as “a bold experiment in optics management.”
