In a stunning move, CBS announced it will end The Late Show with Stephen Colbert next year, effectively canceling the franchise after nearly a decade of Colbert cheerfully tap-dancing on the edge of America’s collective nervous breakdown.
Executives cited “shifting viewer habits” and “the nation’s inability to laugh at itself while actively imploding” as reasons for the decision. Sources close to Colbert report the host greeted the news by sighing, sipping a neat whiskey, and whispering, “Finally.”
Critics mourn the loss of his nightly monologues, which valiantly tried to satirize headlines that already sounded like rejected Black Mirror scripts. Meanwhile, CBS is rumored to be considering a replacement show tentatively titled America’s Got Dystopia.
When asked for a comment, Colbert quipped, “It’s fine. I was running out of synonyms for ‘unprecedented’ anyway.”
Fans are now bracing for late-night TV’s next evolution: screaming quietly into a pillow at 11:35 PM.
