Jerry Greenfield, co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s and lifelong champion of chunky ice cream and chunky opinions, has officially quit the company, declaring that multinational overlord Unilever had “silenced” the brand. Greenfield claimed that what started as a quirky Vermont counterculture experiment had become “just another flavorless mouthpiece for global capitalism, with fewer sprinkles.”
For decades, Ben & Jerry’s churned out social justice with its Cherry Garcia, but Greenfield says Unilever’s boardroom freezer burned the activism out of the brand. “You can’t fight injustice if every statement has to be run through twelve lawyers and a market research team,” he said, spoon in hand.
Analysts note Unilever likely won’t miss him, unless consumers notice that Cookie Dough tastes strangely hollow when stripped of righteous indignation. As Greenfield packed up his tie-dye aprons, he left behind one final flavor idea: “Corporate Silence Swirl.” It’s just vanilla. And a little bitter.
