In a diplomatic shakeup that makes Brexit look like a polite misunderstanding, the UK has fired its ambassador to the United States, Peter Mandelson, after fresh revelations about his ties to Jeffrey Epstein. Officials insist Mandelson’s exit was “amicably forced,” while Whitehall staff reportedly celebrated with champagne and Google searches for “how to erase awkward photos.”
Downing Street issued a statement saying Mandelson’s “judgment had become incompatible with public service,” which is Westminster code for “everyone finally noticed.” The disgraced envoy was last seen leaving the embassy with a box of framed handshakes and an unusually tight smile, muttering about “unfair timing.”
Washington, meanwhile, reacted with the sort of diplomatic sympathy usually reserved for a minor royal caught shoplifting. One State Department source quipped, “We were wondering how long you’d keep him. Thought maybe you’d just lost the receipt.”
Britain now faces the challenge of finding an ambassador untainted by scandal so, presumably, a toddler.
