Another high-rise tragedy struck Russia this week as a former newspaper publisher “unexpectedly” fell from a sixth-floor window, joining what observers are now calling the country’s longest-running line: people allegedly being defenestrated by Vladimir Putin.
Witnesses say the waiting list for a gentle shove from the Kremlin’s invisible hand now rivals that of a Soviet-era bread queue. “It’s a national tradition at this point,” said one onlooker. “Some countries have Nobel laureates. We have gravity.”
Authorities quickly ruled out foul play, citing the publisher’s “strong independent streak” and “mild misunderstanding with the regime” as unrelated to his fatal plunge. Russian state TV praised the deceased for “taking a bold leap forward for press freedom.”
Meanwhile, window manufacturers across Moscow report record sales, with one advertising proudly: “Putin-proof glass, for now.”
