In a turn of events that could only happen in Montana, or an especially bleak sitcom, the FBI’s attempt to safely incinerate seized methamphetamine went sideways, accidentally smoking out a local animal shelter.
Officials had planned what they called a “controlled disposal,” which quickly became the opposite. Clouds of vapor drifted into the Happy Paws Rescue Center, leaving volunteers scrambling to air out the kennels while a dozen bewildered dogs experienced the world’s least ethical contact high. Cats, reportedly indifferent as usual, simply stared at the haze as if waiting for the next act.
The FBI assured the public that no humans or animals were harmed, though several guinea pigs reportedly developed “an unusually enthusiastic wheel-running regimen.” The shelter is now demanding compensation for industrial fans and “a month’s supply of calming treats.”
Residents say the incident proves two things: meth is still a menace, and so is federal competence.
