NASA announced yesterday that its Mars rover has uncovered the strongest hints yet of potential signs of ancient life—though experts were quick to clarify that “signs” does not mean “life,” and certainly not “little green men.” Instead, the rover found chemical traces in Martian rocks that might have been left behind by microbes billions of years ago, or, just as likely, by something as riveting as volcanic burps.
The discovery has reignited humanity’s favorite pastime: getting its hopes up before science gently lowers the boom. “It’s either evidence of alien microbes or just another rock that looks special if you squint hard enough,” one NASA spokesperson admitted, polishing their résumé for Hollywood consulting work.
Meanwhile, Earthlings remain divided. Some dream of interplanetary neighbors, others fear cosmic lawsuits over ancient parking violations. For now, Mars continues to taunt us with the ultimate cliffhanger: “Life existed here. Or maybe it didn’t. Tune in next decade.”
