In a move equal parts dramatic and predictable, Poland has called for the activation of NATO’s Article 4, the alliance’s “everybody panic, but not too much” clause. Officials in Warsaw say they’re “deeply concerned” about regional security threats, while the rest of NATO is reportedly concerned about their weekend plans being ruined.
Article 4, the oft-ignored younger sibling of the more glamorous Article 5, doesn’t actually commit anyone to defending Poland—it just means everyone has to gather in Brussels, sigh heavily, and pretend they weren’t already aware things were tense.
“This is the NATO version of ringing the fire alarm because you saw smoke from a barbecue,” one diplomat said, adjusting their tie and pouring another espresso.
Meanwhile, military analysts warn that constant use of Article 4 could cheapen its impact, though insiders admit it was already about as intimidating as a sternly worded group chat.
