A new AP-NORC poll has revealed what many Americans, especially Democrats themselves, have long suspected: the Democratic Party is less “fierce opposition” and more “wet napkin in a windstorm.” According to the survey, a growing number of registered Democrats believe their party consistently “rolls over” when faced with GOP aggression, corporate lobbying, or a strongly worded tweet.
“They bring a tote bag to a gun fight,” said one respondent, sighing into their $7 oat milk latte.
While the party has historically branded itself as defenders of justice and progress, critics say their main move lately is politely asking for compromise, then quietly backing down when Republicans shout “woke” loud enough.
Party leadership responded to the criticism with a 42-page internal memo, written in Comic Sans, calling for a “listening tour” and promising stronger messaging by Q3 of 2029.
Voters remain unconvinced. The memo was accidentally deleted after being marked “urgent.”
