The Food and Drug Administration issued a rare public advisory this week, urging Americans not to consume a batch of shrimp sold at Walmart that may be “mildly to aggressively radioactive.” The shrimp, imported from a region the FDA diplomatically described as “not ideal for food sourcing,” reportedly emits a faint green glow in dimly lit kitchens.
“Radiation levels vary,” the agency said, noting some shrimp were safe to eat while others “could probably power a desk lamp.” Walmart assured customers refunds were available, provided they hadn’t already eaten their dinner and developed an uncanny ability to hear Wi-Fi signals.
Health officials stress that consumers should not panic, unless they notice their shrimp attempting to crawl back into the microwave for a recharge. “This is why we always tell people not to buy seafood that looks like it belongs in a Marvel origin story,” the FDA added grimly.
