’70s Saturday Morning Cartoons Ranked by Psychological Damage
Before trauma was diagnosable, there were Saturday morning cartoons. And in the 1970s, networks flung animated chaos at kids like glitter at a disco. Here are the top contenders, ranked by their capacity to warp tiny minds:
5. Hong Kong Phooey – A janitor becomes a kung-fu crime fighter with no actual skills. Boldly suggested that incompetence could be masked with catchphrases—a lesson America still embraces.
4. Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids – Morality tales served with funk… and hindsight horror. Today’s kids can’t watch it without adult supervision and a trigger warning.
3. Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space – Yes, that happened. They’re a band, but also interstellar wanderers. Teaches children the universe is meaningless and rhythm guitar won’t save you.
2. Super Friends – Superman, Batman, and friends battling evil… but gently. Villains were rehabilitated with stern lectures. Aquaman was there too, tragically. Great for instilling a fear of water-based uselessness.
1. The Brady Kids – Imagine The Brady Bunch, but animated, with a magic bird named Marlon and a jukebox that time travels. It’s like LSD got a Hanna-Barbera deal. Maximum psychic dissonance.
And that’s just scratching the psychedelic surface.
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