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Smith Insists She Wants Alberta In Canada Despite Spending Years Explaining Why Canada Can Go Fuck Itself

Smith Insists She Wants Alberta In Canada Despite Spending Years Explaining Why Canada Can Go Fuck Itself

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Premier Danielle Smith insisted Monday she strongly supports Alberta remaining in Canada, clarifying that her government’s position only appears neutral because saying it too loudly might spook the separatists.

“I’m not a neutral party,” Smith declared, presumably before someone from UCP headquarters frantically unplugged the microphone.

The clarification follows UCP president Rob Smith’s assurance that Alberta’s $4-million referendum campaign would remain “as neutral as possible” on Canada; apparently because “please don’t destroy Confederation” was considered dangerously partisan.

Smith maintains she wants Alberta to stay while simultaneously governing a party where openly admitting that requires immediate damage control.

Asked to clarify the UCP’s official position, officials confirmed Alberta should remain proudly within Canada, unless saying so upsets the people they’ve spent years convincing Canada is the fucking problem.

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