Alberta Conservatives Clarify They Only Wanted to Destroy Public Trust in Canada, Not Canada Itself
Alberta’s political establishment is reportedly stunned after discovering that spending 40 years convincing Albertans they’re victims of a vast federal conspiracy has produced people who actually believe it.
“We were just trying to win elections, weaken environmental regulations, and keep oil companies happy,” explained one conservative strategist. “Nobody expected voters to take us seriously.”
For decades, politicians, lobbyists, and industry-funded think tanks have carefully cultivated resentment toward Ottawa, transforming routine federalism into an existential threat requiring immediate donations.
Now, with separatism gaining traction, the architects of Alberta’s persecution complex insist they never intended to destroy Confederation, merely exploit it for personal and political gain.
“We’ve completely lost control of the narrative,” admitted one operative. “Which is terrifying, because controlling the narrative was literally our only qualification.”
“We never wanted Alberta to leave Canada,” clarified a strategist. “We just wanted Albertans angry, stupid, and frightened enough to keep voting for the people making their lives worse.”
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