Alberta separatists promise independence will finally give Albertans the freedom to die of preventable illnesses without federal interference
Alberta separatists are celebrating a major breakthrough in their campaign for independence after discovering that leaving Canada could also liberate the province from most of its physicians.
An Alberta Medical Association survey found 55% of doctors would relocate to another province, prompting separatists to praise the exciting opportunity to replace medical professionals with personal responsibility and Facebook research.
“Why should Ottawa control our healthcare when we can simply not have any?” explained one independence supporter, currently waiting nine months for an MRI.
Separatist organizers insist an independent Alberta would attract new doctors through competitive salaries, lower taxes, and the exciting possibility of being paid in oil royalties.
Officials reassured residents that emergency rooms would remain open, although anyone requiring medical attention would be advised to seek treatment in a developed country, such as Canada.
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